Sunday, December 2, 2012

Remembering

I remember our first kiss. Rain pattered on the leaves overhead, the
leaves that kept us dry. The sky was pink. There were fireflies.

I remember the skull I found on the side of the mountain. I don't
remember the plane crash. I remember the hand and the wedding ring.

I remember my mother slammed the door and the glass cracked.

I remember my mother holding me. Her breasts were soft and she smelled nice.

I remember my father had to kill the cat because it was sick.

I remember when my father found the large beaver on the side of the
road and took it to the taxidermist. We had that thing for years.

I remember basic training. A bird pooped on the drill instructor's hat.

I remember saying good by, and saying good bye, and saying good bye.
I don't remember saing hello.

I remember the vodka in Tajikistan.

I remember finding out she wasn't pregnant.

I remember she said it was over - "I want a divorce"

I remember the puppies in Iraq. And the fire. Lots and lots of smoke.

I remember the men praying. They prayed a lot. They made me tea and
welcomed me even though I forced them to work all day. They were good
men. Poor, but good.

I remember her getting drunk in Korea and needing to be escorted home.
I remember feeling like a good man when I walked away even though she
didn't want me to.

I remember the stars. I remember blowing smoke up at them and they didn't mind.

I remember meeting John Popper. He's a huge man with a good heart.

I remember my baby girl crawling around the house just to be in the
same room with me. I remember leaving her to join the military.
She's a woman now.

I remember that she drove two hours out of her way to have five
minutes with me. I felt special.

I remember making waffles with my sons.

I remember helping the nurse change the diaper on my son because he
was sick and needed help. I remember wondering if he would live. I
remembered cutting his cord when he first arrived to earth. I
remember when he changed his last name. I remember that I love him
anyway.

I remember the dog in the ditch and nursing it back to health.

I remember her red hair

her brown hair

her blonde hair.

I remember the looks in their eyes.

I remember a whole lot more.

Buzzing

What dream may come
  When the mind is clear
If the heart is free
  From life's despair?
Will we conquer worlds
  Or will we conquer man?
Can we earn the earth? 
  Will we own the land?
All the little things
  That haunt our life.
Micromanagement
  Of a buzzing fly.
Will those things fall in
  To their rightful place
And give us love
  Or abiding grace?
We try and try
  With same result
Focusing outside
  Won't change our faults.
The land will come,
  All the wealth of earth
Beyond our hopes
  What we think we're worth.
A new dream begins
  When we open our eyes.
If we boldly look up
  And dare the skies
The things of earth
  The traps we claim
Can fall like leaves
  Will end our pain.
So see the new dream
  Hold it tight as you pass.
Cleaning the mists of days
  And boldly ask
What dream may come
  When the mind is clear?
If the heart is free
  From life's despair?

Paint

Down inside is where the truth lies deep.
  Not out here where vision lies.
So much to entertain us and fill our hungry eyes.
All the nonsense.  All this noise.
When silence begs us come.
    I cannot harm.
      I am your home.
        I am your seed.
          I am your root.
How long were you deep
    and darkly in the womb?
What noise was there to trouble you?
  What was it you saw?
You moved and churned inside her,
  first a cell and then a heartbeat.
An emotion was your first thought.
  Your first paint brush set.
And you've been painting day and night.
  Broad strokes.  Fine detail.
Is this the painting you meant?
  Are the birds a brilliant color?
    Are the trees tall?
      Is the mouse inside a cat?
Did you turn your brushes over to someone else?
  Grandma cannot paint this.
    Daddy's vision is all wrong.
Go fix your eyes, adjust the light.
  Finish the painted world.

Speak

Do you piss off your neighbor?
  Will you slap her in the face?
You know just what she doesn't like,
  What will bring her deep disgrace.

Can you insist your ways are right?
  That hers are always wrong?
Or can you just for once admit
  We each sing our only song.

She sets herself on fire
  When offenses flutter by.
No matter what we try to do
Her tempers flit and fly.

Is it we who light the flames?
  Showing her herself?
Can we then extinguish them?
  Keep the matches on the shelf?

The fight was always bound to come.
  You can't avoid the fall.
When narrow minds decide to fight
  You're up against a wall.

So don't enrage your neighbor's heart.
  Don't put her life in flames.
Keep your boastful righteousness.
  Call you sin by no other name.

Crappy Paint

Try to cover up the stains of yesterday
When all there is too offer are looks of dumb dismay.

Staring at the monitor and wait for words to come.
When all the while they're deep inside, frozen and numb.

I'll try to cover over sin with layers of cheap paint.
When all I really need is to admit I ain't no saint. 

There

Falling from the free into the hands
of the humble.

Crawl into our single bed and no longer
have to stumble.

When all's OK in paradise and jokers
come to crumble.

You'll kiss my lips and squeeze me tight
chin upon my stubble.

Garden and Heart

I did not take the time
  To prep the garden loam.
I did not take the time
  To give my plants good homes.

The soil is too sandy
  Organically bereft.
The soil is too sandy
  For plants to spring up yet.

Soil compacts harder
  With each passing rain.
Soil compacts harder
  Tender roots are left to strain.

I can try to build it better
  Mix the compost in the Spring.
I can try to build it better
  Help the plants avoid death's sting.

We pressed in seeds on knees together
  Hoping for a great bounty.
We pressed in seeds on knees together
  Hoping joy would set us free.

Sun and rain and earth do work
  Despite our poor laid plans
Sun and rain and earth do work
  Correcting errs of man.

Marigolds and vegetables
  Work against my bumbling hand.
Marigolds and vegetables
  Spring up healthy from the sand.

Will our love spring up, too?
  Our broken protocols.
Will our love spring up, too?
  Sprout from where it falls?

Can love be resilient?
  Is it a fragile thing?
Can love be resilient?
  Like seeds pressed in the spring.

In the fall I'll tell you
  If love and seeds grow.
In the fall I'll tell you
  All the things you wonder now.

Can you?

Can you release me
From darkness to light
Fly with creation
With word of your will
Can you set me free?

From darkness to light
Down in mire-ed shame
Suffocation laughs
Good sister, beware
Light can dim behind.

Down in mire-ed shame
Mightily move on
Goliath's failed strength
Cannot propel one
From within comes all.

Mightily move on
True power now found
Turn and see the light
From you shimmered out
Growing with your faith

True power now found
Surprising its source
With sincerity
Turns to ask aloud
Can I release you?

Untitled 3

Will you chase the money?
  Stacks of paper. Little coins.
    that bring your world crumbling
      down around us all?

What choice is there to make?
  The cultuer says go, go
    get, get.
      But it is a failing game.
        Count me out.

What is real wealth?
  Piles of paper?  Digits on a screen?
    Or is it eternal?
      Does true wealth lie beyond?

Poetry feels good

Forty and five will be the day of light and
  home and peace.
    Seventy three stones forgive the love lost
on Jonah's heart
  Thirty two are bound beneath the trees of bending doom
    Eighty eleven souls march on, bring
the king his medicine.

Untitled 2

From the deepest places
  Below the rocks
    Under the logs, matted leaves
      and worms

A coil rises to entangle
  Grip my leg
    Allow not my heart to soar
      with the clouds

The man will walk forever
  Worn out shoes
    Wobbling knees will soon fail
      into dust

Will the woman come to lift him
  Expose her bossom
    Intimacies seduce the heart
      and revive

Untitled

The tug on my heart releases
  When your lips are close to mine
Your eyes flutter softly, too
  When your lips are close to mine
There is something strong between us
  When your lips are close to mine
All the worlds can fade away
  When your lips are close to mine